LOL

LOL!

Oot N Aboot

If you haven't checked out my guide to Portland in a while, now's the time. I've just gone through it and made a lot of additions. Go check out the ABC's2PDX...

McAnger

There's just so many elements of the word Wrong in this video...

Lions And Tigers And... Boobies... Oh My!

Halloween has always been one of my more favored holidays. I'm not big on Easter, Valentine's Day, or things like that. St. Patrick's Day is even slipping off my radar as it becomes more and more of a frat party these days. But Halloween remains strong. And seeing as how I can't stay at home and answer the door due living in the same neighborhood where the young punks I supervise on Probation live, I usually go out.

This year was no different. The Crystal Ballroom was having their annual Erotic Ball. Bands, people in costume, booths featuring an assortment of naughty stuff, and some people walking around showing things that can't be shown on the sidewalk.

I had been to this event several years ago, but it was much more tame back then. Arturo begged me to go after he had been the last two years. So, I nabbed Rick, told Lulu and Jeff, and tried to get Ryan on board. Tickets had sold out, so Ryan missed it.

Now the big trick was going to get Rick in a costume. It's almost like a phobia for him. He feels that if he wears a costume in a room with hundreds of other people wearing a costume, it will draw attention to him, not realizing that being the only fuddy dud in the room with nothing on is what will really draw the attention to him. But he agreed. I had come up with the idea of Sean-opoly for myself. Keeping with the game theme I concocted Rick Tack Toe for Rick. I told him to go get a clear or white mask, sort of like a Jason mask or something similar. He showed up with a Jason mask that had all sorts of blood and marks on it. I turned it inside out and drew up a creepy # with X's and O's on it. Rick looked at it and said, "nope." He had brought over a white T-shirt we were going to design something on as well, but decided he just wanted a white mask and would wear the white T-shirt over a dark long sleeve T-shirt, which basically amounted to him being a 5'6" not-so-threatening Jason.

We met up with Lulu, Jeff, and Arturo at Scooter's for a beer and to watch the second half of the Oregon Ducks deconstruction of the USC Trojans. Go Ducks! Lulu was an over the top hot cop, Jeff was something I'm still not sure about, Arturo showed up with a mask on and an assortment of leather pieces, complete with a flogging device. Rick set his mask on the table and left it there. After a couple beers we walked down to the Crystal.

The first thing I saw when walking into the Ballroom was a topless, what had to be, stripper getting her breasts air brushed. As I looked around, I realized that it was going to be one of those parties. The event was sold out and hundreds of people walked around in some really funny costumes. Two bands played. Male and female strippers Go-Go danced on a mini stage. People were taking pictures of each other every where you looked. There were boobs, guy butts, girl butts, and more boobs all over the room. Of course, this was a small handful of people, but they were definitely the ones who stood out. Oh, so many hidden puns in there...

I looked over at Rick. He had put on his jacket and stuck the mask inside the jacket. Whatever.

A few other people showed up I knew. There were laughs and chats all night long. People kept handing me beers. I know my limit, so I would casually walk by a garbage can and discretely dump the beer out.

I stayed until about midnight and had to call it quits. Arturo had left long before me as his mission had been accomplished. Rick opted to stay and watch... well, I don't know what exactly. The bands were done. So, I don't know what Rick did after I left. Lulu and Jeff had wandered off to another part of the building. My night was done.

As I slept that night, I don't think it was sugar plumbs dancing in my head.