But Of Course

I'm not sure how many of you use eBay, but I use it from time to time.  It had been a while since I posted anything.  I recently posted a series of auctions and learned if you want to sell something they now force you to keep a credit card on file with them so they will automatically pull your seller fees as they wish.  I wrote them a message telling them I was not comfortable keeping a card on file with them and that I was not comfortable with them being able to just deduct money whenever they felt like it.  

As is usually the case with modern customer service I am obviously dealing with somebody in India.  The other option is the automated help where a program reads key words and sends you a response with multiple possible resolutions.  I truly believe there is no longer an America Customer Service Representative.  It just doesn't exist.  And nobody has a 1 (800) number to call for live help anymore.  

So, back to my story.  After several exchanges with this "person" sending me answers that have absolutely nothing to do with my questions/comments, I scroll down to the very bottom to see the name on these replies... "Aristotle".  Damn!

Crispy

Why is it that any type of food that is crispy isn't good for us? Can't somebody please develop a crispy food that is healthy and tastes good? For that matter, can anyone please develop any food that tastes good and is healthy? I'll sacrifice crispy if need be.

Force Fed

I recently heard the program director at KUFO justify why KUFO plays so much Nickelback (the worst band in America). He stated they play it because Nickelback sells a lot of albums. This is Jedi mind tricks. Nickelback sells a lot of albums because radio stations force feed that crap to us.

Starbucks sells a lot of mochas because they have purchased and destroyed all the local chains and then put a Starbucks on every corner. The average radio listener accepts what radio gives them because they either aren't motivated to seek out better music, or they just don't have the time.

We are very limited as to what is played on the Radio. Portland has KGON (classic rock), KNRK (alternative music), Charlie FM (We play everything, which is a lie because I've never heard them play Slayer), KUFO (modern and classic hard rock), KINK (adult oriented rock), two or three pop stations, and then a couple of country stations. In between is an array of Spanish, God, talk, classical, and jazz stations that lose reception every time you drive under a bridge. So, all we have is what the program director dictates.

Weezer has at least five, maybe six, CD's out now, but all you will hear is Pork & Beans for the first six months of 2009. I like Pork & Beans, but I assure you that I will hate it very soon. The radio will make me hate it. Nickelback doesn't stand a chance with me. You can play it all you want, but a turd is a turd. I can guarantee that if radio played Nickelback 75% less, nobody would buy that crap. The radio listener has been brainwashed that it's good because KUFO isn't going to play everything else and expose you to some great music. I have a sneaking suspicion that Payola is alive and well.

My Pandora.com account is loaded with all sorts of hard rock bands, but guess what... Nickelback has never popped up. If you aren't familiar with Pandora, it's a free online service where you open an account, type in up to one hundred song titles or bands you like, and Pandora will play those songs and artists, as well as other music that matches those songs or artists. For instance, I have The Pogues on there, so I hear a lot of the Tossers and Flogging Molly... I have Van Halen, thus Ratt and Motley Crue may play... Van Morrison will bring out Wilco and Ray Lamontagne. If a song or artist pops up that you don't like, you can give it a thumbs down and that song will stop and never be played again. I have several modern rock bands on there, yet no Nickelback. Perhaps Pandora has realized what I already know... Nickelback just flat out sucks. If only I could get Pandora in my car.

It's Not Easy Bein' Brown

Dirt... mud... poop... my parent's Volvo... All these things are Brown.

Brown has a bad rap simply because of associations Brown can't help. I've tried to appreciate Brown. It's a color like any other. So why are we down on Brown.

I was looking around my living room and realized that Brown has a pretty strong presence. And I like it. Brown's a pretty good color. Don't get me wrong, I'd never have a Brown car.

What if poop was purple? Would purple be less attractive?

Chocolate's Brown. People love chocolate. Dogs and cats are Brown. People love dogs and cats. Cooked meat is Brown, but the phrase "cooked meat" is not attractive. But it tastes good.

Brown.

The Dumbest Funniest Thing Ever

BAT FIGHT with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

The Worst Greatest Things Ever...

The horror just goes on and on...
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
Thanks Lisa!

Another Plain... Plane... Playne?

I'm not much of a reader.  I'm sure I could count the number of books I've read from start to finish in my entire life on all my fingers and toes.  One of those books is called Einstein's Dreams.  Written by a physicist, ED (get your jokes out now) is a series of short stories, or observations, based on speculations of what Albert Einstein may have been dreaming about while creating his theory of relativity.  It talks about parallel universe, multiple dimensions, and all that stuff physicists deal with that none of us really get.  But, the book blew my mind... no, it broke my brain.  I loved it.  It is the only book I kept and have re-read from time to time.  It's short and has big print.  But here's the deal... this book that deals with all these time portal, and parallel universe issues has now vanished on me three times.  I have re-purchased the book each time.  It's as if I read it, and then "ZAP!"... it's gone into another universe.  As of right now I have searched my home at least five times for the last copy I purchased.  It's gone.  Of all my books to vanish, I find it odd that it is the book about this very sort of thing.  Is some guy named John Schmutzman reading my  book in some place called Portsmouth as I write this?  

And while we're on this sort of topic, has anybody noticed lately that whenever you write something, proof read it, and publish it... three hours later there is a typo that was not there when you wrote it?

Friggin' Nuts!

The pope says condoms won't help stop the spread of AIDS to Africans.

After begging for bailout money, AIG gives millions in bonuses to the jackasses that screwed up the economy.

Don't you dare ask me how I can be a liberal Agnostic.  

I Had No Idea

Diarrhea
1398, from O.Fr. diarrie, from L. diarrhoea, from Gk. diarrhoia "diarrhea" (coined by Hippocrates), lit. "a flowing through," from diarrhein "to flow through," from dia- "through" + rhein "to flow." Respelled 16c. from diarria on Latin model.

Poop (n.2)
"excrement," 1744, a children's euphemism, probably of imitative origin; cf. the same word in the sense "to break wind softly," attested from 1721, earlier "to make a short blast on a horn" (c.1386).

Pee
1788, "to urinate," euphemistic abbreviation of piss. Noun meaning "act of urination" is attested from 1902. Reduplicated form pee-pee is attested from 1923.

Fart
O.E. feortan, ult. from PIE *perd- (cf. O.H.G. ferzan, O.N. freta, Skt. pard, Gk. perdein, Lith. perdzu, Rus. perdet), of imitative origin.

This is serious stuff people!

A Nude Erection

This is your final (and only) notice that The Rick Emerson Show is now on KUFO @ 101.1 FM, M-F, 5:00 a.m. - 9:00 a.m. Yes, 5:00 a.m. And now with more Tim Riley. Yes, they brought back my God and yours... Tim Riley... a victim of the recession back in December, but now the newest version of the show is up and running on the powerful FM dial and Tim is back. I'll tell you what... give the show a listen and if you don't like it, I'll give you your money back*.


*This refers to any money you may have given me previously. To my knowledge, nobody has given me a dime, so if you don't like the show I feel fairly comfortable that I'm pretty safe. Oh wait, I think I've taken advantage of Rick at the bars when he's had one too many. But, he doesn't know that because he had one two many. So, nobody tell Rick a thing please. And for clarification, Rick Patch... not Rick Emerson. Rick Emerson hasn't given me a thing, nor have I financially taken advantage of him in a drunken stupor.

You Can't Fool Me DST

I know that as I sit here typing it is really 6:30 a.m. Making the Daylight Savings Time switchover on a Saturday/Sunday night/morning has no effect on me. You can't trick me. I sat in bed last night knowing everything was just off a bit, as in an hour. What is the point of DST? And why doesn't Arizona have to do it?

It was another fun weekend full of friends meeting for beers, eating good food, and heading out to the Couve for another great jam session. These are becoming more and more common, which is a good thing. And more people are becoming involved. I'm all for meeting new people and learning new songs. There are fewer things better than sitting in a circle with musicians and just playing whatever is thrown out in front of us.

It ("it" being the weather) even made another attempt to snow this weekend, leaving little blots of snow on the ground here and there, which quickly melted away before most children wake up. It's as if the snow is saying, "just remember, I kicked the crap out of you back at Christmas. I'm leaving now for a couple of seasons, but I'll be back..."

I spent a good chunk of the weekend reconfiguring my tv, entertainment center, and DVR as I made a big switch from long time satellite service to Fios. It wasn't so much a quality upgrade as it was a savings in bundling with my internet service. So let me ask this... why can I bundle my internet, tv, and a land line (if I wanted one), but I can't bundle my internet, tv, and cell phone? I suppose it's just one more way a giant service provider knows they can screw with their customer base. And why does the Verizon DVR have to be four inches longer than the Directv DVR? Everything fit like perfect puzzle pieces in my entertainment center before. Now it has the look of something set up in a college dorm room as modules are placed where ever there is space for them.

There were some trade offs with the switch as well. I lost Comedy Central in HD, but now have the Travel Channel in HD. Why is this? If a channel is available in HD, why wouldn't you give your customers all the HD channels? These companies are all led by the same type of knuckleheads who run our banks and mortgage companies. "Jeez, I only made five hundred million this year. I wanted six hundred million! I want an Oompa Loompa now Daddy!"

One highlight for the weekend... Saturday Night Live did a pretty hilarious skit. I can sit and describe it, or you can just take a look for yourself...