Carol and I went to see the 3D movie Coraline this past weekend. Yes, we got the funny Buddy Holly style glasses and everything. I walked up to the ticket window and asked for two matinee tickets to the movie. "That will be $24 please," came the response from the girl working the window. $24? Now, I understand bumping the price a tad as it is a special 3D movie, but $12 per ticket? For a matinee? What happened to matinees meaning half price?
We then walk into the lobby and Carol decides she wants something to snack on. She gets a Kit Kat bar and a bottle of water. "$8.50 please." WFT?!?!?!?!
$32.50 for two matinee movie tickets, a Kit Kat bar, and a bottle of water. Regal Cinemas can officially bite me.
I fully encourage EVERYBODY to never ever step foot in a Regal Cinemas movie theater again. Not that any of the others are probably much better, but it's time for people to take their movies back. Support your locally owned theaters. Support the small second run places that serve great pizza and beer. I can go to a theater pub, get two tickets, two slices of good pizza, and a pitcher of beer for well under $25.
Join Netflix. It's simple. It's very cheap, especially if you watch a lot of movies.
What would Regal do if all of the sudden their attendance dropped by 25% because people decided to tell them, "NO MORE!"? And if you do this, write to them and let them know you're doing it and why.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Why Nose Hair
I'm sure it was always there, even as a young child. But I have absolutely no memory of having to deal with nose hairs when I was a kid. Only as I grow older do I find myself battling this weed.
They say nose hair's function is to catch things... dust, debris, and small animals. Does this become more necessary as we get older? Were foreign objects not trying to invade my skull as a kid? I now pluck and trim hairs that are as thick as blades of grass. Let it go long enough and you will find alfalfa sprouts springing from the two orifices.
And don't forget about nose hair's cousin, the upper moustache hair that tickles the bottom of your nose. It's like watching two bunches of ivy trying to grow into each other so they can intertwine and form ropes strong enough for Tarzan.
Let's not forget about nose and upper lip hair's European cousins, ear hair. I've always thought that your hearing gets worse as you get older due to those damn kids and their Rock and Roll. But it's not the Rock. It's the ear hair. Think about it. We didn't have hair in our airs of this capacity when we were young. This stuff started filling in somewhere in our mid-30's. It's getting thicker and thicker, and longer and longer, as in Yoda-esque. It's filling up the space where sound is supposed to be traveling through. My guess is if I hired some little ear mites to bring in a lawn mower and take care of business, I'd have my hearing back. That's how hearing aids work. They just cram their way through the carpet and provide a direct hole for sound to get through to your ear drum. I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
While we're talking about hair, can somebody please explain the magical line on a man's face where hair goes from being smooth and silky to an SOS pad? I don't get it. The hair on my head... as in the stuff you comb, cut, style, slick back... that stuff feels like silky thread. Within a micro-inch it becomes head pubes as you go south. Why aren't beards and side burns soft and silky smooth? Is this what separates us from goats?
And knuckle hair? What't the point? It doesn't keep us warm. It doesn't filter anything out. Is this just an (close your ears Creationists) evolutionary leftover?
Just once I'd love to go dolphin and do a complete body shave. I can only imagine the itch factor one week later. I'd have to take a couple weeks off from work to avoid belly dancing down the hall trying to scratch myself Yogi Bear style on ever hallway corner. So ladies just trust me, being a guy isn't all that. Yes, you've got your periods and baby making stuff to deal with, but us men have to deal with all this hair. Ok, so we can pee standing up without making a mess, but you don't have to put on a shirt and then press it down so it's not being poofed out by your back hair, or at least I hope that's the case.
They say nose hair's function is to catch things... dust, debris, and small animals. Does this become more necessary as we get older? Were foreign objects not trying to invade my skull as a kid? I now pluck and trim hairs that are as thick as blades of grass. Let it go long enough and you will find alfalfa sprouts springing from the two orifices.
And don't forget about nose hair's cousin, the upper moustache hair that tickles the bottom of your nose. It's like watching two bunches of ivy trying to grow into each other so they can intertwine and form ropes strong enough for Tarzan.
Let's not forget about nose and upper lip hair's European cousins, ear hair. I've always thought that your hearing gets worse as you get older due to those damn kids and their Rock and Roll. But it's not the Rock. It's the ear hair. Think about it. We didn't have hair in our airs of this capacity when we were young. This stuff started filling in somewhere in our mid-30's. It's getting thicker and thicker, and longer and longer, as in Yoda-esque. It's filling up the space where sound is supposed to be traveling through. My guess is if I hired some little ear mites to bring in a lawn mower and take care of business, I'd have my hearing back. That's how hearing aids work. They just cram their way through the carpet and provide a direct hole for sound to get through to your ear drum. I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
While we're talking about hair, can somebody please explain the magical line on a man's face where hair goes from being smooth and silky to an SOS pad? I don't get it. The hair on my head... as in the stuff you comb, cut, style, slick back... that stuff feels like silky thread. Within a micro-inch it becomes head pubes as you go south. Why aren't beards and side burns soft and silky smooth? Is this what separates us from goats?
And knuckle hair? What't the point? It doesn't keep us warm. It doesn't filter anything out. Is this just an (close your ears Creationists) evolutionary leftover?
Just once I'd love to go dolphin and do a complete body shave. I can only imagine the itch factor one week later. I'd have to take a couple weeks off from work to avoid belly dancing down the hall trying to scratch myself Yogi Bear style on ever hallway corner. So ladies just trust me, being a guy isn't all that. Yes, you've got your periods and baby making stuff to deal with, but us men have to deal with all this hair. Ok, so we can pee standing up without making a mess, but you don't have to put on a shirt and then press it down so it's not being poofed out by your back hair, or at least I hope that's the case.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Full Plate
Carol flew in this past Thursday for a shorter visit. Between her being "flying" tired and me dealing with an eye infection we layed pretty low on Thursday and during the day on Friday. Friday night we drove to the Hawthorne Theater so she could prepare for her special guest performance. Rick and Carrie met up with me as we headed to the Horse Brass to kill time until showtime. It was nice to actually sit in the Horse Brass and breath oxygen. It has been said that many restaurants had utilized smokers to cover the fact that most of their establishments smell like ass, as in deep fryer grease. If I had to make a choice between cigarette smoke or fryer grease, I'll take the grease.
We headed back over to the Hawthorne where we also met up with Troy, Helen, and a handful of friends from work. The Vaudeville/Burlesque show was pretty good. Aside from Carol's amazing performance, the highlight of the evening was when a male impersonator playing George Michael and doing a lip synch to "Faith" came out into the crowd, grabbed Helen, and started to dance with her. I turned around and saw Rick nearly running out the door. He claims it was just a bathroom run, yet he conveniently didn't return until the song was over.
Saturday was a busy day. We hit the movie theater to catch Coraline in 3D. That was a pretty fun experience, but beware as it cost $24 for two tickets to a matinee. Ridiculous! And then Carol picked up a Kit Kat and water for $8.50. Attention Regal Cinemas.... DONE!!! I am so done with you and your ridiculous prices.
After the movie we met up with Rick at Nick's Famous Coney Island for Coney's and beer. From there we made a pit stop by the Lucky Lab as we continued to check off Things Carol Must See In Portland. From there we made it down to a warehouse dance studio set up for a Roller Derby party hosted by the Heartless Heathers. The room was full of swag, live music, hula hoopers, familiar fan faces, derby girls, and a spanking table. We stuck around for a bit and then made our way over to the Someday Lounge to catch The Punk Group.
It was a long day, and later night. We then had to wake up at 7:00 a.m. to get Carol on the plane home. After a sad goodbye I came home and began cooking for my own little Oscar party. Normally Kelli and Ken host this, but they were in Arizona. The Calvert's came over where we indulged in sauteed mushrooms, clams steamed in wine and butter, seafood spread, one of my super salads, grilled Mediteranean shrimp, and pulled pork sandwiches. And to top it off, I was surprised by Hugh Jackman's hosting of the awards show. He actually did a pretty good job. I still want comedians in that role, but this was acceptable. And wouldn't you figure that the one year Kelli and Ken don't host the Oscar party I guessed 20 out of the 24 categories. I may have actually won for once.
Now Monday has come way too fast and I'm truly not enjoying it. Much more sleep is needed. Much more...
We headed back over to the Hawthorne where we also met up with Troy, Helen, and a handful of friends from work. The Vaudeville/Burlesque show was pretty good. Aside from Carol's amazing performance, the highlight of the evening was when a male impersonator playing George Michael and doing a lip synch to "Faith" came out into the crowd, grabbed Helen, and started to dance with her. I turned around and saw Rick nearly running out the door. He claims it was just a bathroom run, yet he conveniently didn't return until the song was over.
Saturday was a busy day. We hit the movie theater to catch Coraline in 3D. That was a pretty fun experience, but beware as it cost $24 for two tickets to a matinee. Ridiculous! And then Carol picked up a Kit Kat and water for $8.50. Attention Regal Cinemas.... DONE!!! I am so done with you and your ridiculous prices.
After the movie we met up with Rick at Nick's Famous Coney Island for Coney's and beer. From there we made a pit stop by the Lucky Lab as we continued to check off Things Carol Must See In Portland. From there we made it down to a warehouse dance studio set up for a Roller Derby party hosted by the Heartless Heathers. The room was full of swag, live music, hula hoopers, familiar fan faces, derby girls, and a spanking table. We stuck around for a bit and then made our way over to the Someday Lounge to catch The Punk Group.
It was a long day, and later night. We then had to wake up at 7:00 a.m. to get Carol on the plane home. After a sad goodbye I came home and began cooking for my own little Oscar party. Normally Kelli and Ken host this, but they were in Arizona. The Calvert's came over where we indulged in sauteed mushrooms, clams steamed in wine and butter, seafood spread, one of my super salads, grilled Mediteranean shrimp, and pulled pork sandwiches. And to top it off, I was surprised by Hugh Jackman's hosting of the awards show. He actually did a pretty good job. I still want comedians in that role, but this was acceptable. And wouldn't you figure that the one year Kelli and Ken don't host the Oscar party I guessed 20 out of the 24 categories. I may have actually won for once.
Now Monday has come way too fast and I'm truly not enjoying it. Much more sleep is needed. Much more...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Live! From My Keyboard....
Saturday Night Live has been an American fixture since 1975. While it has cycled through the good years and the bad years, at times it has had it's great years. I, personally, don't really remember a time when SNL wasn't airing. The Not Ready For Primetime Players have come and gone, some of which have moved on to legendary status. And many of them are no longer with us. So why all this nostalgia for SNL? Well, it's Top 5 time. But this one is a little different because there are two aspects to the SNL NRFPP's. There are those who were tops on the show, and then there are those who went on to have incredible post-SNL success. And just for the record, I am not placing Billy Crystal on either of these lists. Maybe I'm the only person on this planet who feels he is greatly over-rated. I've always had a hard time with comedic actors who rely on the same shtick for too long. They have one or two characters and then they just milk them forever. Mike Myers may hit and miss, but at least he's always trying to introduce new people rather than make Wayne's World 15.
So here they are....
Top 5 SNL Not Ready For Primetime Players On The Show -
Honorary Mention: Phil Hartman - He was the go to guy. His character range was all over the map as he could tackle just about anything.
5. Kristen Wiig - If you've caught any of the last two seasons you'd know there is one person essentially holding down that show. At this point it could almost be the Kristen Wiig Show. She has a closet full of hilarious characters. Ask me to do this list ten years from now, and I'm sure she'll hop onto the other list.
4. Will Ferrell - His mere presence in a skit would bring giggles. There's something about him that just makes you laugh. He doesn't even have to speak. And this isn't based solely on the infamous cowbell skit.
3. Eddie Murphy - SNL had hit a dark hour after an attempt to restructure the show with new actors. The original crew was gone, replaced by a not so great cast. Then Eddie came in and literally pulled the show back to life single handily. I remember staying up, excited to see anything he was going to do.
2. Bill Murray - From the lounge singer to "Lord and Lady Douchebag", Murray has some of the most classic moments on the show. After swooping in to replace Chevy Chase who bugged out early to pursue Hollywood fame, Murray filled the large shoes and then made them bigger.
1. John Belushi - Yes, it seems a cliched choice, but prove me wrong. If you go sketch for sketch, Belushi stands out as the greatest piece of history on SNL. His energy and presence was leaps and bounds above anybody else on that show.
Top 5 SNL Not Ready For Primetime Players Post-SNL-
Honorary Mention: Tina Fey - Her post SNL career is still young, but she's already stealing the show. Everything she touches turns to gold, and with good reason. 30 Rock is genius. SNL has felt her loss as head writer of the show.
5. Chris Farley - Tommy Boy alone keeps Farley in my Top 5. There's just way too many quotable moments not to have it on here.
4. Mike Myers - Wayne's World... So I Married An Axe Murderer, Shrek, Austin Powers... Need I say more?
3. Adam Sandler - While certainly having as many duds as hits, Sandler has catapulted to multi-million dollar man status in Hollywood. Throw him into anything with Drew Barrymore and you have a sure fire hit.
2. John Belushi - From Animal House to the Blues Brothers, Belushi's only failure was his death. The sky was the limit for him, and I'm sure he would have punched Dan Aykroyd in the mouth for making a sequel to Blues Brothers without him.
1. Bill Murray - I'm sure it exists, but I really can't think of a Murray role I haven't enjoyed. And of the bunch, he's the only one showing any sense of evolution. Watch Meatballs or Scrooged, and then watch Rushmore or Lost in Translation and tell me this guy has not grown.
So, this was tough. Having to leave off names such as Chevy Chase (who would have made it had he kept a sense of humor in his old age), Jon Lovitz, David Spade, Chris Rock, Gilda Radner, and Dan Aykroyd was difficult. And what about Steve Martin? He's been on enough episodes to qualify as a full season. Maybe I should have made this a Top 10 list. I'm sure my lists could be argued into the ground. But that's the way I see it.
So here they are....
Top 5 SNL Not Ready For Primetime Players On The Show -
Honorary Mention: Phil Hartman - He was the go to guy. His character range was all over the map as he could tackle just about anything.
5. Kristen Wiig - If you've caught any of the last two seasons you'd know there is one person essentially holding down that show. At this point it could almost be the Kristen Wiig Show. She has a closet full of hilarious characters. Ask me to do this list ten years from now, and I'm sure she'll hop onto the other list.
4. Will Ferrell - His mere presence in a skit would bring giggles. There's something about him that just makes you laugh. He doesn't even have to speak. And this isn't based solely on the infamous cowbell skit.
3. Eddie Murphy - SNL had hit a dark hour after an attempt to restructure the show with new actors. The original crew was gone, replaced by a not so great cast. Then Eddie came in and literally pulled the show back to life single handily. I remember staying up, excited to see anything he was going to do.
2. Bill Murray - From the lounge singer to "Lord and Lady Douchebag", Murray has some of the most classic moments on the show. After swooping in to replace Chevy Chase who bugged out early to pursue Hollywood fame, Murray filled the large shoes and then made them bigger.
1. John Belushi - Yes, it seems a cliched choice, but prove me wrong. If you go sketch for sketch, Belushi stands out as the greatest piece of history on SNL. His energy and presence was leaps and bounds above anybody else on that show.
Top 5 SNL Not Ready For Primetime Players Post-SNL-
Honorary Mention: Tina Fey - Her post SNL career is still young, but she's already stealing the show. Everything she touches turns to gold, and with good reason. 30 Rock is genius. SNL has felt her loss as head writer of the show.
5. Chris Farley - Tommy Boy alone keeps Farley in my Top 5. There's just way too many quotable moments not to have it on here.
4. Mike Myers - Wayne's World... So I Married An Axe Murderer, Shrek, Austin Powers... Need I say more?
3. Adam Sandler - While certainly having as many duds as hits, Sandler has catapulted to multi-million dollar man status in Hollywood. Throw him into anything with Drew Barrymore and you have a sure fire hit.
2. John Belushi - From Animal House to the Blues Brothers, Belushi's only failure was his death. The sky was the limit for him, and I'm sure he would have punched Dan Aykroyd in the mouth for making a sequel to Blues Brothers without him.
1. Bill Murray - I'm sure it exists, but I really can't think of a Murray role I haven't enjoyed. And of the bunch, he's the only one showing any sense of evolution. Watch Meatballs or Scrooged, and then watch Rushmore or Lost in Translation and tell me this guy has not grown.
So, this was tough. Having to leave off names such as Chevy Chase (who would have made it had he kept a sense of humor in his old age), Jon Lovitz, David Spade, Chris Rock, Gilda Radner, and Dan Aykroyd was difficult. And what about Steve Martin? He's been on enough episodes to qualify as a full season. Maybe I should have made this a Top 10 list. I'm sure my lists could be argued into the ground. But that's the way I see it.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
New Study Alert
So, word has it that a study has been completed. Don't ask me who and where because I had a long weekend and can't remember the source, but they have recognized a correlation between individuals with un-common names and crime. Basically, if you name your kid Hank Lee Billy Bob or Flouride... statistically they are more likely to engage in criminal activity. Also... spell their names right. Believe me... with the field I work in, I can back this up.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Recession Conspiracy Watch
Three weeks ago... The Lompoc is packed, even after two attempts to come back. The two other bars were full.
Two weeks ago... The Lompoc is packed and I get the last table. It stays packed throughout the whole night.
This weekend.. The Lompoc is packed and have to go to McMenamins, which is also packed. The concert at the Crystal Ballroom is sold out. Costco is more crowded than I've ever seen it, including Christmas.
Rick and I compare notes and neither of us know one person, personally, who's lost their job. I do know Carol has lost some hours and is facing lay offs. But why?
Is this an east coast thing? A mid-west thing? I see people spending money like it's acid in their pockets. Why is the economy bad? Everywhere I go people are out, doing things, and spending.
Are we being told there is an economic crisis by the media? Our government? Is this a ploy by big business?
All I know is I need to go watch the Super Bowl and drink some beer and eat some chips I had to wait in long lines at the store to purchase.
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